Cleaning and Bacon

Today, I told Rick I might actually clean the house today. He almost went into cardiac arrest. Or at least shock. I could lie and say that really it just needed to be picked up but really that would be a complete and utter lie. I spent all last week (well, the last two days) getting everything ready for a baby shower for my pregnant gym buddy. So once the shower was over I didn't do anything else to the house. At all. Well, maybe a little but you can't even tell. And of course 75% of the mess is mine. I'm just a procrastinator by nature. Can't you tell? I'm writing about it instead of cleaning it. Hmmm.

But that brings us to today's challenge. I'm going to give myself 1.5 hours to get this house back to shape. That includes cleaning both bathrooms, the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher, picking up the office, sorting laundry, cleaning the laundry room/pit of despair, vacumning the upstairs, dusting, oh and making the bed. Sorry, Nanny, I don't make the bed everyday. My bad. I think mopping should count as bonus points bc I hate it and it takes forever. And so I can really be held accountable I am going to post pictures of the mess beforehand. I almost just threw up while typing that. I can't beleive I'm going to show you to mess that is my house. That's how brave I am. Well, I can count on one hand who reads this little blog so I guess I'm not that brave. Here we go. Remember I said the mess was only 75% mine.

And for a thank you for viewing that monstrosity, I will now give you the trick for perfect bacon. I recently discovered it and never has my mouth been happier and hips more grim.

Place 4 to 5 strips of bacon in a cold nonstick pan. Do not crowd your bacon and do not use a huge pan. Bacon needs somewhat even heat. Crank it up to medium heat. This is a 5 for me. Pour a cup of coffee. Go upstairs and check your email. Let your hubs yell at you that you are going to burn the house down and don't you know that this stuff is fammable. Tell him he can't have any bacon. But go check on it anyway. Turn it over when the up side is getting all bubbly and kind of lumpy and the down side is looking brownish but not black. This is an exact science in case you couldn't tell. Dawdle in the kitchen but whatever you do don't wash any dishes or try and unload/load the dishwasher. The bacon will burn. I promise you. If you think you are up to the challenge lay out a paper towel folded a couple times so it is thick. If not, if you can't bear to turn away for half a second from the delicousness that is unfolding in your pan, bribe the hubs with a piece of bacon to get the paper towel for you. When there are just a few little white fatty looking spots on the down side and no black, take the bacon out. Let cool on the paper towel. This whole thing should take less then ten minutes, I think. If you follow these exacting directions you will have amazing bacon that is the perfect balance between chewy and crisp. Like bacon jerky. Yummm.

Now off to clean. I told you I was a procrastinator.